Road Trippin' and the Blessing of Friendship

" Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a good fire?" 

                                                                                          CS Lewis

There are certain advantages to growing up the way our kids have. They have seen many different places and aren't very intimidated by new adventures and meeting new people. But  there are also some disadvantages to moving roughly every 3 years. I used to think that my kids just didn't have the same kind of relationships that kids who grow up in the same town for most of their childhood do. One of my favorite movies from childhood was Ann of Green Gables. It was one of the first VHS tapes I owned and I must have watched it a 100 times. There are so many wonderful things to love about the story of an orphan being adopted and raised on a little island in Nova Scotia, but I always a little envious of the friendship between Ann and Diana. Ann refers to Diana as "A bosom friend- an intimate friend, you know- a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul."  I always longingly wanted this type of friendship for not only myself, but also for Emily.

Last weekend, I realized for the first time how truly blessed Emily has been with a few dear friends from around the world. Deep abiding friendships that have stood the test of time and have been strengthened despite distance and separations.

It was Jessica's 17th Birthday and the Greenwood High Prom. On Friday the question came: "Could I please drive down and eat lunch with Jess tomorrow and spend some time with her as she gets ready for Prom?" It was on the tip of my tongue to say no, when my ever practical husband shocked me by saying she could go. What?? It's an hour away! She's never driven that far by herself! and with gas near $4 a gallon!! What was he thinking??? Perhaps he was remembering that our little girl isn't so little anymore and that at her age he drove from Birmingham, AL to Fort Jackson, SC for army basic training. Whatever the reason, last Saturday morning Emily took off on her first road trip to see one of her oldest and dearest friends. I had one condition...I wanted a picture of the 2 of them.

Emily met Jessica when she was 7 years old, just before the start of 2nd grade. We had just moved to Greenwood, SC. Looking for some fun, the kids and I went on an outing with the church we had visited the Sunday before. Jessica's Mom, Susan has truly never met a stranger and she greeted us that day as old friends, introducing the kids around and making us feel at home. Turned out they lived just around the corner from us and Emily and Jessica were going to be in the same 2nd grade class. It was the start of a beautiful friendship.

Music Camp 2003

A friendship filled with walking home from school, church, choir, brownies, matching ladybug overalls and days spent in each others houses giggling and being silly. Two girls who embraced their differences and loved each other; able to rejoice in the other's triumphs and grieve along with the hardships. Jessica's family was there the night we loaded the last of our belongings in the van and left Greenwood for the Philippines. There were quite a few tears that night. See, Jess also has a brother who is a dear friend of Will's. It's always an added benefit when your friends can provide playmates for your pesky younger brother.

A Final Goodbye 2005

I will never forget a few years later when everyone in Greenwood kept the fact that Emily was coming home for the summer a secret from Jessica so that Emily was able to show up on her doorstep for a sweet surprise reunion. (Also filled with a few tears)

Surprise! 2007

In the year and a half following our return to the US, I spent many days driving an hour down the road for the kids to spend time together, never going more than a few weeks without a visit. But time marches on and as we settled into a new life and Emily went off to high school and made friends in a new town, those visits got fewer and fewer. They still keep in touch though. In fact recently, Jess just had to text Em late one Saturday night  after Prom to get the scoop on the evening.

LM Montgomery writes in Anne of Green Gables that “True friends are always together in spirit." Jessica and Emily are a living example of this. A friendship build over 10 years that neither time nor distance can destroy.

at 17!

A man of many companions may come to ruin, 

but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24 

Emily has been greatly blessed by a few other abiding friendships. Her first "best friend" was Micaela. Their friendship started out by default when they met at the age of 3 in gymnastics and their mothers and brothers became best friends.

in 2000 at age 4

They really had no choice but to be friends since they were constantly in each other's company. At times that relationship struggled as they were so different. But through the years and with a little maturity, a beautiful friendship has developed. The girls text and Facetime on their iPods often. When we get together they laugh and giggle about times past and speak earnestly about the present and the future. Sharing hopes, dreams, and deep secrets. That friendship has been good for two young Christian women traversing the stresses of the teenage years.

on a family vacation together in 2007

On the other side of the world, living most of her life in the Philippines, is Jaina. She welcomed Emily into a new country and a new school and the life of an MK.  They became fast friends which helped ease Emily's adjustment into life in a foreign land. In July, Jaina will be visiting us for about a week while she is in the States for the summer looking at colleges. Hopefully, Emily will be able to return the favor as Jaina begins to prepare for life in America after high school.

I've come to discover that true friendship is not dependent on just living in the same town as someone for a long time. True friendship is built on certain things:

First, it loves unconditionally. "A friend loves at all times." Proverbs 17:17. Unconditionally means even when you have heard about NASCAR and Matt Kenseth until you think you might scream. Or when hurtful words are spoken. Being accepting of each others' weaknesses and imperfections

Second, it involves trust and faithfulness. "There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24) Through thick and thin, distance and time, they will be there for you whenever you need them.

Thirdly, it involves the ability to speak truth even when it hurts. Proverbs 27:6 says "Wounds from a friend can be trusted." Is there anything more precious than a friend who is willing to stick by you and tell you in love, those hard things we really don't want to hear. To illuminate our sin and call us to a restored relationship with our Savior.

 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17

Who knew 17 years ago that Emily would have a good friend who goes to her high school and her church that she has known since birth. She would tell you that family doesn't count as friends, but I think she's wrong. What a blessing that 2 girls born as cousins would turn out to be the best of friends.

Cousins or Friends? Can't it be both?

Update: After posting the above blog, my friend Susan sent me pictures of a scrapbook page she made when the girls were in 2nd grade and they had on their matching ladybug outfits.

I love the precious words Susan wrote at that time:

It's time for a change

In light of my last post, I decided it was time for a blog makeover. (and also because I figured out how to change it)  Allan and I started this blog in 2005, before the days of facebook, as a way to keep in touch with our family, friends, and supporters and let them see a glimpse into our new life in a new culture. What I didn't know at the time was that would become a place for me to journal and work through some of the things God was teaching me. During most of our time in the Philippines, I tried to blog about twice a week. Lots of it was goofy as we learned to adapt to living overseas and made plenty of mistakes. Some of it was serious as God changed us through serving Him in missions and our hearts broke at things that break His heart. It's also been a record of the growth of our kids over the last 7 years.

Over a year ago our mission agency closed it's books and ceased to exist and we  removed our website from the internet. Therefore, it's probably time that this blog was called something other than Philippine Mission. I could have just begun a new one, but I don't want to just start over. My life has been a journey of faith as I have traveled with God and towards God. Traversing life's peaks and valleys has shaped me into who I am and hopefully, if I let it, who God wants me to become. The last 7 years have been an important part of that shaping and becoming and I don't want to lose sight of what the Lord has taught me, but it is also time to move beyond defining my life as Philippine Mission. I want the title of this blog to reflect who I am today.

So who am I? a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend; a middle-aged stay at home mom on the brink of being an empty-nester? Yes, I am all of those things, but I want to be defined by so much more: a God seeker, passionate about and for Christ. Seeking to glorify Him in every aspect of my life, caring for the least of these, and living a life that shows His love has radically changed me.


Living Recklessly Abandoned to Christ, without care or regard for consequences.
Never holding back. 


I want this to be the motto of my life so I think it is a good place for the new name of this blog to come from. Whether I'm in the Philippines, or Kenya, or Greenville, SC, or some obscure little place I haven't even heard of yet......or  just in my own home, I want to be recklessly abandoned to the One who gave me life and gave up His life for me.

I want to Live Like That

Sometimes I wonder, What's the purpose of us being here in Greenville, SC? This is not what I thought God had called us to. Didn't He have plans for us across an ocean somewhere? The last 3 years have been a struggle as Allan and I have wrestled with this issue. We have settled into a life here now, but there are times I still wonder...What do you want me to do now, Lord?

A lifetime ago, I struggled with this same question. I had a loving husband, one little baby and was quite comfortable living the "American Dream". But I knew God had called us out to live a different sort of life. I was wrestling with a change, but I didn't know what. I just knew God wanted us to step out of our comfort zone and into something different. We had talked about missions from the beginning of our dating relationship. Was this the time? What were we supposed to do? With a little trepidation, I approached Allan with the statement, "I think God is calling us to do something radical, but I'm just not sure what it is." Hoping that he wouldn't think I was crazy. I should have known that while God was working in my own heart and life, He was also working in the heart of my other half. Allan's response though was not quite what I had ever envisioned, but it was perfect.

"It's funny you should say that. I have really felt called to go to medical school and then into medical missions. It's crazy, I know. I've prayed God would take this desire away if it's not from Him, but it keeps getting stronger."

For me, this was all I needed to hear. My optimistic dreamer self jumped onto this bandwagon with both feet. My realistic husband, on the other hand, knew this was no easy feat. There were prerequisites to be taken, MCAT testing, applications to med schools where only a small percentage of applicants were accepted and then if all of those things happened there would be 4 years without a salary while he was in school. We prayed throughout the summer and slowly took the first step of faith... Biology and Organic Chemistry at a local college. We decided we would just follow this path a step at a time until God shut the door. It was something we kept just between the two of us. No need to worry the parents or for other people to think we were crazy.

We entered the fall, now pregnant with baby #2, with Allan working full time and taking classes at night. There were times of stress and doubt as we looked ahead to what the next few years would look like. Was this really God's plan? Could we do it? If he got in, the years of medical school loomed large on the horizon. How could we survive with me at home with the babies and Allan in school with no income? We knew God would take care of us if this was His plan, but there was still the feelings of insecurity and doubt.

Late in the fall, as Allan's finals drew near, I went, with my sweet baby girl, to visit my parents for a week. Mom and I worked hard to get our Christmas shopping done. One day we went to a local Christian bookstore looking for just the right gift for my brother. Mom and Emily stopped in the book section to find a book while I headed to the back to find the CD she was looking for. I quickly walked through the section of knick-knacks and art that seems to fill over half of Christian bookstores. No need to stop there. Suddenly, my eyes were drawn to a little picture hidden on the wall among the larger pieces surrounding it. It was a tiny little world map with a key and the verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to
harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 

 It was if God had spoken audibly to me. I broke down right there in the Christian Armory. I knew then, whatever plan God had for us would be for our benefit. I bought that picture and gave it to Allan for Christmas. It has hung in a prominent place in every place we have lived ever since. 
Through the next 4 years of Med school, 3 years of residency, and our time in the Philippines, Allan and I reminded each other that if we follow the plan God has set before us, it will be for our benefit, no matter what happens. And in so many ways, it was easy to believe. God blessed us so richly, not monetarily, although we never really struggled in that area, but with the peace and comfort that comes from being in the center of His will; with His guidance and direction into residency and onto the field; with children who were excited with the idea of living in another culture; and parents and family who grieved our leaving yet were able to give us their support and blessing, placing us into God's hands and His plans. 

With excitement, we stepped out in faith and moved a world a way for what we assumed to be a lifetime..... But that's not what happened. I never dreamed 16 years ago when we started down this path that we would be living in Greenville, SC.; that my kids would be going to the local public high school. Yet, here we are making a life for our family, not in some strange foreign place, but in a culture we know well and have always lived in...the American South.  

and I struggle.... "is this right Lord? Is this where you want us? Did I miss something? Were we wrong before?" 

and at times, if I'm truly honest...... "Was I not good enough to serve you there?" 

So on an ordinary Friday, doing ordinary housework, I backed into the wall as I was vacuuming, knocking "the picture" askew on the wall. As I straightened it, those words again went straight to my heart. He "knows the plans" He has for me and His plans are for me to live a life that glorifies Him. To honor and worship Him where ever I may be that a lost and dying world can see Him through me. 

I often pray for my kids to be filled with a passion for God, to not just be good little Christian kids, but to love Him fully, to be passionate for Him; to let Him control every aspect of their lives. And I wonder, is it right to pray something for your kids that is no longer true of myself? Have I let the fact that God's direction for my life didn't follow the map I made squelch my passion for Him? I may never know why we are here in Greenville, but it's time to let go of what was and live in this moment with what He has placed before us here. To live once again recklessly abandoned to Him. 

"I want to Live Like That
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You"

What's for Dinner? part 2

Here's a little mom confession....I get tired of thinking up what to have for dinner. Everyday the family comes home in the evening expecting to be fed. I hate the question, "What's for dinner?" It seems to be one of the first questions my family asks upon walking in the door after school or work, or in the car after being picked up from practice. The kids have been known to even text me this question towards the end of the school day during 6th or 7th period. I hate even more when that question followed by a groan of displeasure over what ever I have painstakingly taken the time to think up, shop for and cook. I also know better than to ask them what they want. It is sure to be something really unhealthy and more often than not would probably involve not eating at home.

I know this is nothing new. Mothers for centuries have struggled with that age old question..."what am I going to fix for dinner this week?" My Mom, as she was meal planning when I was a kid, would sometimes ask me what I wanted to have for dinner. Although, I'm not really sure why she did because I always gave the same answer...PIZZA! To which she eventually changed her tactics and asked "what do you want for dinner? and NOT pizza". In case you are thinking that solved the problem for her, my second choice was always the same too: Betty Malone's Casserole. Now , I'm sure, you are scratching your head thinking, what on earth is Betty Malone's Casserole? It's not really a what as much as a who.

Betty Malone was a woman who went to our church when I was a little girl living in Virginia. That is about all I can tell you about her. I think she also might have been the church organist who sawed off a couple of her fingers with a bandsaw. I'm a little unsure on that point though. It may have really been 2 different women at the same church who get merged together in my head. You know how it is when you are young and memorable events happen to people your parents know. It gets a little mixed up. Anyway, when I was about 5, my mom had to have surgery and being a sweet southern woman, Betty Malone brought us dinner. I actually have no memories of her so she may have been a mean, horrid little thing, but in my mind she is a sweet woman who brought my family the most wonderful concoction. It was the 70s and the beginning of mainstream Mexican food. This casserole was full of "Mexican" yumminess that I am sure no real Mexican would ever claim as created in his country. Ground beef, refried beans, crunched taco shells, cheddar cheese, and enchilada sauce mixed with, like so many 1970s casseroles, cream of chicken and cream of mushroom soup. Really authentic stuff, huh? It didn't matter that this wasn't true Mexican food, my brother and I loved it! So my Mom asked ol' Betty for the recipe and in the Miller household, for lack of a better name, Betty Malone's Casserole was born.

I'm happy to say my taste in Mexican food has developed and grown and while we eat Mexican food at least once a week, I almost never make Betty Malone's. My kids think it's good, but they would rather have tacos or some of the other Mexican dishes I make. But every now and then as I flip through my recipes, I come across an old, stained recipe card copied by myself at about age 22 when I was a young newlywed and excited about this whole what's for dinner concept. The memories remind me how much I used to love it and occasionally I decide to put it on the menu. Today was such a day. I don't think I've made this casserole in 9 months or more, but this afternoon, I made 2; one for tonight and one for the freezer.

It often causes me to wonder what ever happened to Betty Malone. Does she still live in Virginia Beach? Is she even alive 37 years later? My parents have kept up with many people from that time and place, but she isn't one of them. So, where ever you are Betty Malone, thanks for the casserole and your name lives on in my heart and my recipe book!

**You may have noticed this blog post is called "What's for Dinner? part 2" The original "What's for dinner?" post is about a different time in the life of the Gilmers and can be read here: http://thegilmers.blogspot.com/2005/11/whats-for-dinner.html The next time Will complains about my dinner choice, I should make him read and remember!